♂ RAPE

When a man gets raped, have you ever heard someone say, "I wonder what he was wearing?"

There's a double standard in this country, and the world, that somehow a woman is a second...even a third class citizen.  She gets paid less than a man for the same work and when she is abused, it is inevitably her fault.  We blame women for anything bad that happens to her.

I once heard someone say, "that woman will never get off welfare.  Every time she gets close to getting off the government teat, she has another kid."  My question was always, "what's the reason she is on welfare in the first place?"  And the answer can nearly always be tracked back to some man getting her "in a family way" then leaving her to fend for herself.

BLAME THE VICTIM

This seems to be the mantra of our society, especially if the victim is a woman.  If her husband beats her, she must have done something to provoke him into breaking her jaw.  The only time the law enforcement folks get serious about this kind of violence is when it ends in the woman's death -- as it inevitably does.  Oh they tell her to get a restraining order.  What a joke.  Like a piece of paper will stop Bubba.  Some women have to resort to dropping of the face of the earth using an underground system of protection because there is no 'real' protection above ground.

If a woman is a drug addict or an alcoholic, she is looked down on much more so than a man with the same affliction.  There is - they say - no reason for a woman to become a drunk, simply no reason.  It's not ... uh...womanly.  It's...um...unseemly.  Even when Betty Ford bravely stepped out and admitted her addiction, she was judged harshly by the press.  "How could she embarrass her husband, the President, like that?"

I've noticed that addiction and abuse go hand in hand often.  And I've also noticed that addiction and abused victims seem to be generational.  I know, I know, it isn't always the case that a person is an addict and abused at the same time, but it happens enough to become statistically relevant.  I just remember in my groups and in my everyday one-on-one sessions with clients that addiction and abuse seemed to be a constant.  I also noticed that when the addict got sober the abuse often stopped.  Why?  My theory is that when the self-esteem raised because the addictive agent was no longer present, the ex-addict would no longer put up with the abuse, albeit physical, mental, sexual or spiritual.

So, what is the answer to abuse and victimization?  Probably very little can be done about it until the prevalent "male" attitudes change regarding the place of women in society.  They are not just childbearing units.  They are actual human beings and deserve the same respect as any and all other human beings, be they male or female.  A woman needs to be treated as 'someone' rather than 'something.'  They are people, they are not sex objects [although, women, you sometime portray yourselves thusly and that's on you].  My daddy always told me, "if you want respect, you have to act respectful.  You have to earn both trust and respect, it cannot be given to you out of hand.  You get back what you give out."  And as good ol' Doctor Phil tells us, "you teach people how to treat you."

Just some thoughts...